Happy 2010~

Last weekend was a good one for me. I was back to my hometown! All this while i have been missing the food there, the mother nature, my beloved Poppy (my cute doggie!) and of course my dear family. Though the journey back to my hometown was quite tiring as it is located very far from the place that i am currently staying at, i was happy. I was happy because i was freed :) The reason to be happy could be so simple. Every minute was so precious to me and yet it passed so quickly.

I attended my friend's wedding at my hometown. she lives in a village in rural area. Me and my other friends had hard time finding her house and we almost lost. But luckily we managed to find her house at last. It has been quite some time since we last met and i was feeling very happy when i saw her. We managed to chit chat for a while and she and her husband served us the food cooked by her family, relatives and friends. i felt warm as everybody get involved in preparing the celebration. The way they celebrate their marriage is different from those stay in town. It is merrier and economical too.

I met someone unexpectedly during my stay back at my hometown, after so many years. I felt akward and we just had a small chat. This unexpected reunion brings up some unhappy memories of the past. I just couldn't pretend that nothing happened. Though no anger or sadness inside me anymore, the incident more or less still bother me till now. I truly hope that some day in future i will be able to really let go of it, to be able to put it at the past.

Finally it is 2010. A new year begins and i know that this year will be a challenging year for me. Hopefully it would be a successful and happier year for me, and for everyone i care out there. Happy 2010 to you, and to myself...

加油！

刚刚和朋友聊天，得知她的身体健康有问题，为她感到担忧和难过。自从学校毕业以后，好久没有看见她了。刚到达大学时被编排和她住同一间宿舍房间。那时候，她已经在那儿住了一年，算是我的学姐吧！她为人心地善良，坦率真诚，总是像大姐姐一样的照顾我，让身在异乡的我深感温暖。如今我们都身处不一样的地方，各自为生活而忙碌，实在挂念她。希望老天会眷顾她，保佑她的手术顺顺利利。我知道她的心情是百感交集的。好希望可以为她做点什么，但却什么也做不到。也只可以为她祈祷吧！

朋友和我说起他在工作方面所面对的难题，人和事都让他极度地苦恼。有苦说不出，也只有自己或是同病相怜的人才能深刻地体会到，我想我就是那个同病相怜的人吧！再难过的日子也都熬过来了，再糟的事情都面对过了，还有什么事可以难得到你呢？加油吧！人生苦短，要为快乐而活，为自己和身边关心你的人而活！我相信你会苦尽甘来的。

早一阵子还是委靡不振的，但是现在开始想通了。也许一切的一切根本就不是像我所想的那样，也许是也不一定。伪装的人也只不过想保护自己脆弱和受伤的的心灵，我是明白的。不会再执著或是强求些什么，一切就随缘吧！

很快的，2009年就要接近尾声了。回想起今年所发生的一切，恍如做梦一样，但是却是事实。该整理好心情，重新出发了。希望2010年，一切会更美好。。。

是我 :)

蔡佳玫的内在想法
脑筋比较保守死板，不容易变通
外表温训文静的样子，但是外柔内刚型
讲求道理，对就是对，不对就是不对，不能容忍放水
不喜欢冒险，喜欢安定有保障的生活
吃软不吃硬，只要对方态度放软就会跟着心软

蔡佳玫的外在行为
个性稳定，行事作风保守的人
有时侯会太坚守原则，让人觉得很难沟通
重视家人，常常会以家人的意见为中心
有恒心毅力，不会半途而废
个性较直来直往，很容易被看穿心事

Am Back!

A friend of mine asked me lately that why i never update my blog anymore. The only reason that i came out with is "lazy". What an excuse right? :) At that moment only did i realise i have a loyal blog reader, though i am not a fantastic blogger. Thank you so much! You know who you are :)

I have picked up the badmouth habit without realizing it since i start working in my current company. i just can't control myself. i feel bad and guilty. I keep telling myself that this is not right but everything just come out from my mouth so naturally. I guess by doing this only can i release all the frustration and anger built inside me. I hate this habit, so am trying to let go of it. I just have to find some other ways to release my unhapiness and definitely this is going to take me quite some time.

A good friend of mine told me that he could sense that i am not happy recently, maybe through the way i talk sometimes, or through all the emotional shoutouts posted at my msn (Is very obvious, isn't it? :)) Things just happened. Battling with ownself emotional turbulence is the hardest thing that i could do. It is very tiring. I know deep down inside that no matter what happen, i should face it with positive thinking, regardless of how bad the thing or situation is, then only can i lead my life happily.

Am trying to do so.... :) Gambateh to myself..

不可能的梦想~

我承认我是很固执与执着的。
一直执着于那根本就拿不到的东西，把自己弄得好累好累。要承受这令人难受的挫败感到何时呢？
一直重复地告诉自己是时候看开了，放下了。要量力而为，不该是我的，怎么会是我的呢？
梦想的也只可以在梦里才能拥有的。

Emo..Again...

I have been feeling not happy lately. Life continue to goes on with faked smile plastered on my face. I know it is time for me to think seriously which pathway am i going to take, but i am like a tortoise, rather hiding myself inside the dark shell then to face the reality. It is this coward me, which makes me hate myself. How much time left for me to think? Or to WASTE?

Goodbye may come as a shock. I came across this sentence when i was listening to a song. Yea, it is true. It reminds me to appreciate what i have with me now. There will be a lost and i know deep down inside that there is nuthing that i can do. i am just drowning slowly in this pool, helplessness.

I feel really bad and guilty as i am not being there when i am needed. I am just too engrossed in my own world of problems, too tired to be concerned when i can't even manage myself well. This is not what i want. I just can't help it and i am truly sorry.

If you feel happy everyday, you are insane.

Helpless..

Problems are like waves, keep on smashing me and beating me down.

There is nothing for me to hold on.

I feel so helpless.

I can't think properly.

I can't make up my mind.

I don't know what i want.

I don't know what am i supposed to do.

I am not happy.

I just want to be alone.

Can i just run away, leave everything behind?