Happy 2010~

Last weekend was a good one for me. I was back to my hometown! All this while i have been missing the food there, the mother nature, my beloved Poppy (my cute doggie!) and of course my dear family. Though the journey back to my hometown was quite tiring as it is located very far from the place that i am currently staying at, i was happy. I was happy because i was freed :) The reason to be happy could be so simple. Every minute was so precious to me and yet it passed so quickly.

I attended my friend's wedding at my hometown. she lives in a village in rural area. Me and my other friends had hard time finding her house and we almost lost. But luckily we managed to find her house at last. It has been quite some time since we last met and i was feeling very happy when i saw her. We managed to chit chat for a while and she and her husband served us the food cooked by her family, relatives and friends. i felt warm as everybody get involved in preparing the celebration. The way they celebrate their marriage is different from those stay in town. It is merrier and economical too.

I met someone unexpectedly during my stay back at my hometown, after so many years. I felt akward and we just had a small chat. This unexpected reunion brings up some unhappy memories of the past. I just couldn't pretend that nothing happened. Though no anger or sadness inside me anymore, the incident more or less still bother me till now. I truly hope that some day in future i will be able to really let go of it, to be able to put it at the past.

Finally it is 2010. A new year begins and i know that this year will be a challenging year for me. Hopefully it would be a successful and happier year for me, and for everyone i care out there. Happy 2010 to you, and to myself...

加油！

刚刚和朋友聊天，得知她的身体健康有问题，为她感到担忧和难过。自从学校毕业以后，好久没有看见她了。刚到达大学时被编排和她住同一间宿舍房间。那时候，她已经在那儿住了一年，算是我的学姐吧！她为人心地善良，坦率真诚，总是像大姐姐一样的照顾我，让身在异乡的我深感温暖。如今我们都身处不一样的地方，各自为生活而忙碌，实在挂念她。希望老天会眷顾她，保佑她的手术顺顺利利。我知道她的心情是百感交集的。好希望可以为她做点什么，但却什么也做不到。也只可以为她祈祷吧！

朋友和我说起他在工作方面所面对的难题，人和事都让他极度地苦恼。有苦说不出，也只有自己或是同病相怜的人才能深刻地体会到，我想我就是那个同病相怜的人吧！再难过的日子也都熬过来了，再糟的事情都面对过了，还有什么事可以难得到你呢？加油吧！人生苦短，要为快乐而活，为自己和身边关心你的人而活！我相信你会苦尽甘来的。

早一阵子还是委靡不振的，但是现在开始想通了。也许一切的一切根本就不是像我所想的那样，也许是也不一定。伪装的人也只不过想保护自己脆弱和受伤的的心灵，我是明白的。不会再执著或是强求些什么，一切就随缘吧！

很快的，2009年就要接近尾声了。回想起今年所发生的一切，恍如做梦一样，但是却是事实。该整理好心情，重新出发了。希望2010年，一切会更美好。。。

是我 :)

蔡佳玫的内在想法
脑筋比较保守死板，不容易变通
外表温训文静的样子，但是外柔内刚型
讲求道理，对就是对，不对就是不对，不能容忍放水
不喜欢冒险，喜欢安定有保障的生活
吃软不吃硬，只要对方态度放软就会跟着心软

蔡佳玫的外在行为
个性稳定，行事作风保守的人
有时侯会太坚守原则，让人觉得很难沟通
重视家人，常常会以家人的意见为中心
有恒心毅力，不会半途而废
个性较直来直往，很容易被看穿心事

Am Back!

A friend of mine asked me lately that why i never update my blog anymore. The only reason that i came out with is "lazy". What an excuse right? :) At that moment only did i realise i have a loyal blog reader, though i am not a fantastic blogger. Thank you so much! You know who you are :)

I have picked up the badmouth habit without realizing it since i start working in my current company. i just can't control myself. i feel bad and guilty. I keep telling myself that this is not right but everything just come out from my mouth so naturally. I guess by doing this only can i release all the frustration and anger built inside me. I hate this habit, so am trying to let go of it. I just have to find some other ways to release my unhapiness and definitely this is going to take me quite some time.

A good friend of mine told me that he could sense that i am not happy recently, maybe through the way i talk sometimes, or through all the emotional shoutouts posted at my msn (Is very obvious, isn't it? :)) Things just happened. Battling with ownself emotional turbulence is the hardest thing that i could do. It is very tiring. I know deep down inside that no matter what happen, i should face it with positive thinking, regardless of how bad the thing or situation is, then only can i lead my life happily.

Am trying to do so.... :) Gambateh to myself..

不可能的梦想~

我承认我是很固执与执着的。
一直执着于那根本就拿不到的东西，把自己弄得好累好累。要承受这令人难受的挫败感到何时呢？
一直重复地告诉自己是时候看开了，放下了。要量力而为，不该是我的，怎么会是我的呢？
梦想的也只可以在梦里才能拥有的。

Emo..Again...

I have been feeling not happy lately. Life continue to goes on with faked smile plastered on my face. I know it is time for me to think seriously which pathway am i going to take, but i am like a tortoise, rather hiding myself inside the dark shell then to face the reality. It is this coward me, which makes me hate myself. How much time left for me to think? Or to WASTE?

Goodbye may come as a shock. I came across this sentence when i was listening to a song. Yea, it is true. It reminds me to appreciate what i have with me now. There will be a lost and i know deep down inside that there is nuthing that i can do. i am just drowning slowly in this pool, helplessness.

I feel really bad and guilty as i am not being there when i am needed. I am just too engrossed in my own world of problems, too tired to be concerned when i can't even manage myself well. This is not what i want. I just can't help it and i am truly sorry.

If you feel happy everyday, you are insane.

Helpless..

Problems are like waves, keep on smashing me and beating me down.

There is nothing for me to hold on.

I feel so helpless.

I can't think properly.

I can't make up my mind.

I don't know what i want.

I don't know what am i supposed to do.

I am not happy.

I just want to be alone.

Can i just run away, leave everything behind?

Special Chilli Paste

Pumi just came back from Thailand and as promised, he brought back a special chilli paste from his country. Well, you must be wondering, what is so special about the chilli paste. According to him, the chilli paste is made from one kind of insect known as Water Strider. It is an predatory insect which can stand effortlessly on water due to their non-wetting legs. They rely on surface tension to walk on top of water and hunt for other small insects or invertebrates. We were all very excited and eager to try the chili paste though the thought of the insect made us feel grossed. We brought with us the special chilli paste and also the normal chili paste (without the insect) out for lunch. Pumi was killing us with suspense as he wouldn't tell us which chilli paste was the one with insect inside. He wanted us to taste both of them and sort out which was the one with insect. i must say all my collegues are real risk taker, lol....They just scooped up the chilli paste and tasted them one by one. I was expecting very extreme reactions like distorted facial expression, choking or coughing from them but, nothing happened. Everybody was calmed and they claimed that they know which one was the special one as it had a very strong kind of smell. I admit that i am the most timid one among them. I was the last one who scooped up the chilli paste and then reluctantly put into my mouth. The normal chilli paste tasted normal, and the special one tasted strange and i just couldn't help myself but to spit out the paste :( lol...At the end, Pumi was the only one who eat his rice with the special chili paste. To him, the chilli paste is one of the most delicious food in this world..lol...and he was disappointed as non of us liked the chilli paste, lol..too bad..he didin't finish the chilli paste and reserved some for Danny as Danny was not with us today. Below are some pictures of the Water Strider which i found from internet. Enjoy and Good night..:)

Saturday Outing..

Finally i manage to watch Night at The Museum 2 with my friend. As expected, it has many funny scenes which send us bursting into laughter. But i think i prefer the story line of Night at The Museum. My friend was quite blur and couldn't understand the story of Night at The Museum 2 better as he never watch Night at The Museum before and almost all of the characters from Night at The Museum were brought into Night at The Museum 2. Actually i planned to treat my friend the movie as i think it was very nice of him to accompany to watch the movie. When the lady behind the ticket counter said 20 dollar for two tickets, i took out 20 dollar notes and past the notes to the lady. The lady, holding the 20 dollar notes, was dumbfounded and staring back at me. I was just about to think what's wrong with it and felt so embarassed when the lady showed me one of the notes that i gave to her. It was 2 dollar note instead of 10 dollar note. Only did i realise that i just gave her 12 dollars only! OMG!!!! At that moment, I really hoped that there was a hole right in front of me so that i could hide myself inside..lol..At the end, my friend gave 10 dollar to the lady instead. Since there was quite a plenty of time left before the movie start, we had ice cream at Gelare. I was really shocked as the ice creams were so expensive, one scoop with waffle cost $7.70. I chose the strawberry flavored ice cream as they didn't sell the mint flavored one. Again, i lose in the "who should pay" battle and was treated by my friend again :) We had our dinner at 新香港茶餐厅. Actually i was not very hungry. So, by the time i finished my black pepper chicken chop spagheti, i felt really full. I hoped that the lime juice could help to speed up the digestion in my stomach but it was to no avail, lol..Again, my friend treated me this meal. I am so grateful for his generousity and company, hopefully i will have the chance to treat him a nice meal too next time. Thanks lots! I have a great time :)

孤独，无奈

我一直以为我是很坚强的，也许在别人的心目中亦是如此。原来我也害怕孤独，想找人陪。当我们渐渐长大了，很多事情也因此而变得复杂。我们无法随心所欲地做心里想做的事，为了让身边的人开心而必须忽略自己的感受。也许在自己心里，所决定的事是对的，不过在别人心中却不是那么一回事。不想成为一个自私的人，却不知不觉地把自己捆绑起来，好辛苦，好难过。以前总是无法了解为何有些人，可以一意孤行，去做自己想要做的事，不理会身边人的感受，伤透了爱他们的人。现在深深地体会到，他们何尝也不是无奈的，该如何是好？要么就让自己开心，要么就让别人左右自己的人生，自己躲在一角难过流泪。爱一个人，不是应该让他开心吗？每一个人本来就不是同一个体，为什么就不能站在他们的角度来看待一件事情呢？很多时候，事情可以很简单，却让我们弄得复杂。我们以为所讲所做的一切，都是对的，都是为他们好，却没用心听听他们的声音，了解他们的想法。快乐看似很简单，却往往遥不可及。不是每个身边人都会了解，只有体谅和成全，我们才能飞得更高，更远。

Costly Lesson...

I have made a careless mistake and ruined my experiment. All the previous work goes into drain and the most terrible thing is, i have wasted a few thousand dollars. When i found out that my experiment was failed, i really hoped that it was merely a dream as the consequence was more than i could bear. But soon, reality sank in. Only god knew how upset and helpless i was. How i wished i could turn back the time. I could sense that my voice was trembling when i told my boss about it, and my palms were cold and clammy. My mind was actually blank but still, words came out. She was unhappy but was calmer than i would have expected. I feel really bad but i tell myself that i still need to move on. The most important thing is to learn from this mistake and never ever repeat it again in future. I am just a human being afterall...

What a Day!

I reached Lily's house at 11.30am, sweating profusely. I was just about to press the doorbell when suddenly my mobile phone rang. I fumbled through my bag and found my mobile phone and it was Lily. I answered her call and told her that i was at her doorstep already. I was just wondering why did she make that call and the front door of hers flung open. She told me that our manicure and pedicure lesson was cancelled at the very last minute by our teacher as she was feeling not well due to the monthly thing. Actually I only felt abit upset as i already walked all the way to Lily's house from my house to attend the lesson and now only being told that the class was cancelled. But Lily was totally flared up and annoyed. I could understand why she was so angry as this was not the first time that our teacher being unprofessional. Previously, we were supposed to have our first lesson on 9th of May at her house but she told us last minute that a bride-to-be lady had requested her service on that day and asked if we could change our lesson to the next day. She said that it was okay if we still wanted to have lesson on that day as she practiced first come first basis. Well, we were not that inconsiderate to the bride-to-be, so we just agreed to change our lesson to the next day. Also, instead of having our lesson at her house as being told earlier, we ended up having the lesson at another place. I was still okay with that but Lily was feeling a little bit annoyed as she kept on changing. During our second lesson, as promised, we were going to meet her at Lily's house at 11pm for the lesson. Again, she told us last minute that she was feeling very tired as she worked for 16 hours nonstop the previous day and asking us if we could start the lesson at 12pm. We waited for her about 2 hours as she only reached at 1pm. Lily was really unhappy with that and was preparing to voice out her unhapiness but i quickly stopped her. I worried that our teacher might feel unhappy and teach us not whole-heartedly. Today, Lily couldn't hold back her anger anymore and no matter how i stopped her, she called our teacher and complained about her unprofessionalism. Well, i knew that this day would finally come and i just watched helplessly at Lily, unsured about what's going to happen next. After she hung up the phone, she told me that our teacher was apologizing and feeling very sorry. She said she would come down if we really wanted her to, but Lily rejected her as she already told us that she was having menstrual cramp. She told us that if we were to stop the course, she would refund us. After thinking for some time, we have decided to continue the course as we have already learned halfway through and it was such a waste if we were to give up now. She promised us that she would try to be professional from now onwards and we trust her this one last time. Besides that, we really didn't know what else could we do.I knew that Lily was not happy not because of her absence today but because of the unhappiness accumulated from previous experience. Now that the lesson was being cancelled, i felt like doing something crazy-ear piercing, lol...This was not the first time i get my ears pierced actually. The first time i get my ears pierced was actually at one of the jewellery shops at my hometown 7 years ago. I went to one of those shops offering ear piercing service and told the shop owner that i was going to have one pierce on each of my ear lobe.i was utterly nervous and scared when the shop owner was going to pierce my ears. He kept on reassuring me that this was not going to be very painful and asked me to relax. I thought he was quite good at reassuring the customer. Finally i managed to calm down and once the piercing was done, i felt relieved and i was really surprised that it was not really painful afterall, the shop owner didn't cheat me, lol....now i have 2 pierces on each ear :) I told my best friend that i pierced my ears and you know what he said?? "ai sui mai mia" in Hokkien which means "love pretty and don't want life" lol :p

Manicure day :)

Today is Saturday, a day that i have been waiting for after 5 dreadful working days :) I woke up earlier than usual (11am, lol!!!! So you can imagine what time i usually wake up at on weekends) as i have promised Lily that i would be going over her house to practiced manicure together at 2pm. I think i was very hardworking today as i took out the theory book and read it before i went over her house, lol, maybe i felt guilty as i have been leaving the book aside everytime i back from the manicure and pedicure class, so bad :) We practised cuticle (Dead skin cells) removing and hand massaging. I think i was not doing cuticle removing fantastically as i was too worried that i might be causing pain to Lily hence not pushing the cuticle really hard. When it came to cuticle cutting part, i was so nervous till my hands turned cold and clammy, lol...Lily was quite stable anyway. She just pushed my cuticle and cut it in a relax manner. This work seemed so easy to her :) while she was so engrossed in pushing the cuticle of my right hand forefinger, i realised that blood was oozing out from my lateral nail fold. OMG!!! She didn't realise until i told her and she was so shocked and kept on apologizing to me, lol...I was the one who calmed her down, telling her that it was okay as i really didn't feel any pain at all..After cuticle removing, we buffed and conditioned each other's fingers. Our fingers looked healthy and shiny :) We were quite satisfied with the result despite the trauma moments ago. We ended our day by massaging each other's hand using a lotion smelled like strawberry(Yummy!! i wondered if it tasted like strawberry too?? :p) It was kinda hard for the massaging part as we had hard times remembering the steps and also applying the correct amount of strength. It was fun but tiring though. Tomorrow we will be attending the manicure and pedicure class again :) I think i better blog till here and rest. I can feel the stinging pain on my forefinger already, lol..good nite and enjoy your weekend!!! :)

All The Best and Thankew!!

Today is Hui Ling's last day at NCC and this lovely girl came to my lab to bid goodbye before the end of the day. I felt a sudden lost and was so reluctant to let her go as she has been very helpful to me in my work. Before she left, she gave me a present wrapped nicely with a small "thank you" card attached to it. She really touches me with this very simple act :) and i feel contented as she really appreciates the effort i put on her. I still remember the first day she joined NCC, my boss sent her to me and asked me to train her as she would be helping me out in my project. She was humble and willing to learn. As day goes by, we got along quite well and besides talking about work, we also talked about many other things (including gossiping, lol..:p). It has been very fun to be able to work with her and i truly appreciate her company and help. Now that she is going to pursue her study in Australia, i wish her all the best in her study and hopefully she will be able to achieve her fondest dream, which is to become a successful doctor. No matter where we are in future, hopefully we will still be able to keep in touch as this is a valuable frienship gifted by god to us. Thank you really, and all the best!!!! :)

Thursday Blues...

Today the moment my alarm clock rang, I was reluctant to wake up and I had this dreadful feeling "shit!!!! Work again.." I had to drag myself to work and the moment i found out that there was a big possibility that my boss won't be coming in, i was so relieved and let myself loose. Instead of doing my benchwork, i cleaned up the whole cell culture incubator as this task didn't require my brain to work, lol..so bad of me :)
Just now i had a lunch date with an ex-collegue from my previous company. It has been a while since we last met. We had Japanese food and is really yummy. I found out that the taste of the few dishes that we had were quite similar, maybe is due to the Japanese soy sauce. There were still few other dishes that we didn't manage to try out and hopefully i will be able to try them out next time :) Blog till here as i am very tired,lol, good night!

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!

I just came back from having dinner with my collegues and ex-collegues as we were celebrating my collegue's birthday and my birthday. It was actually a belated birthday celebration :) We were having our dinner at Imperial Hebal Sinchi TCafe at VivoCity. The internal decoration is nice and there is a corner where the dining chairs are like a big hand. The palm is where you actually sit on it and the fingers are behind you for you to lie back and rest. They are very colouful and i think they are cute :) We don't have chance to sit on those cute chairs as the waitress led us to an ordinary dining table with ordinary chairs at the other corner of the restaurant. I think the food is nice but is expensive. the service is quite good also. We ordered a few dishes and the one that i loved most is the trademark dish-quick-fried egg white with dried scallop, yummy:) my collegues ordered "xiao long bao" and i was very excited as i have never eaten it before. When this dish was being served, i used my chopsticks to take it from the bottom of the "xiao long bao" and i was stopped by my collegues as they were worried that i might break the fragile "skin" of the "bao" and the precious gravy will flow out. Finally, i took their advice by taking the bao from the top. I felt so stress to eat the bao lol....when i put the whole bao into my mouth, everyone was staring at me (like i was an alien), then burst out laughing...lol..i think i really looked and acted funnily.. luckily the bao is small...i didn't bite it into half as i was worried that the precious gravy will ooze out and wasted...lol..thanks to my collegues' advice. Below are some photos of the food that we had ordered, they might not be very clear as they were taken using my mobile phone camera. Enjoy and Good night!!!

Xue Yu

Xiao Long Bao

Quick-Fried Egg White with Scallop

Pumpkin Claypot Rice

Jiao Zi

Jiao Zi

Gao Li Tou Sha

First Blog of Mei

Finally, I have my own blog :) I don't know if i will be able to update my blog on daily basis but i will give it a try. If not on daily basis at least on weekly or monthly basis. Today i went to Popular bookshop and as always, i will go to the Bestseller corner and check out if there is any interesting book that i might be falling in love with, well, no any luck. After that i went to the Chinese Fiction corner, hoping to find any new release from two of my favourite author "Zhang xiao xian" and "ju zi", too bad, no luck also. I was feeling regret at that moment as i didn't buy more books of theirs during that book fair at Suntec City. I find that it is so hard to find Chinese Fiction book here at Singapore, even if the bookshops do have sell these books, not many varieties though :( Leaving the bookshop in dispair (Sounds very "kua zhang" :p), i went to the pet shop nearby to see if there is any puppy on sale. I love puppy! i was so excited as there were 4 labrador puppies, two of them were black in colour, the other two were in yellow colour. They were so lovely, sleeping soundly in the display cage. I tried to tap gently on the cage but they just ignored me :) so cute. Suddenly i saw a Husky puppy at the other corner, she( i am not sure if is "he/she" but let's just assume is "she" :p) is lying at one corner of her cage and stare gloomily at nothing. I tried to catch her attention but she just ignored me, she must be missing her family? Poor thing, i wished that i could cuddle her at that moment.The dogs are so pity, they don't have freedom and have an unsure future. Will they have a good owner? Will they be treated nicely? I hope so..Ok, that's all for today. Before i leave, wish you have a great week ahead :p Aww!!! Tomorrow is Monday again...I am having Monday Blues in advance...lol :) Good night!